To My Dearest Roseanne- Chapter 20

The same day was much more positive from Roseanne's perspective. After walking Cho to the bus stop, she came back home to walk Enzo and subsequently called a taxi to the regional hospital. It was a costly transportation, but Roseanne did not wish to waste any minute, especially after three stressful days.

Much to the daughter's amazement, Liz Juzynski was awake, sitting on her bed and chatting idly with the victim of a tractor. Apart from stitches and bandages, Liz looked completely healthy. Her hair might have been a little greased because she couldn't shower, but the eyes were sparkling with joy against sunny reflections in the room. As soon as Roseanne saw her mother, she wrapped her arms around Liz and didn't let go.

"Oh, Mom, Mom, Mom! I'm so happy to see you feeling better," Roseanne said.

"But of course I feel better." Liz kissed her daughter on the cheek. "I promised."

"Promises and prayers don't do much in illness. I had to take action. Otherwise, they would have killed you in that other hospital."

"The kid's right, you know! The county hospital is as good as the butcher's house," Liz's neighbour remarked.

"To be honest, I can't remember much from the past couple of days. In fact, the only things I knew for sure were pain and sleepiness. If what you say is correct, then I can't marvel enough at my daughter's courage and independence. Rosie, you're my brave little trooper," Liz said.

The conversation was interrupted when a nurse rolled a trolley with medications and breakfast. Roseanne got water for Liz, so she could take the pills. Subsequently, the daughter spread strawberry jam on bone-dry toasts.

"The food in here isn't any good, and you have stomach issues. I should probably get you something better from the supermarket," Roseanne said.

"Calm down, hun. Doctor Michalski said he's going to keep me in the ward for one more day, and then I'll get transferred to the physiotherapy department."

"Physiotherapy? Are your legs worse?"

"No, the doctor looked at my file and claims that there's a chance I may be able to at least stand up on my own. I guess walking is still out of the picture."

"Please, I don't want to hear any false hopes from white-coat lunatics," Rosanne sighed. "Does this mean you are going to stay longer here? Let me talk to the doctor."

"He's out today. I should be here for at least two weeks. He wants me to undergo intense physiotherapy and even got me a bed, so I wouldn't need to commute from home."

"Oh..."

"Will you hang on without me a little bit longer?"

"It's not a problem, Mom. I will visit you every day and help you during physiotherapy."

"Do you go to school?"

"Yes." Roseanne lied.

"Did you call Dad?"

"Well, he called me, but I didn't come clean about you being in hospital. I kept making excuses, but he won't buy them anymore if he calls again."

"You did good. Now hand me the phone. I will talk to him today and straighten it out."

Roseanne did as she was told, and spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with mom, helping her in a wheelchair to the toilet, playing word puzzles, or just lying in bed with her. All this time, she kept assuring her that she was attending school, and she made an exception only today, just because she was so worried about Liz's health. Roseanne didn't feel good saying this lie, but it was not technically a lie. A person who looks like her goes to school instead of Roseanne, whereas she can fully focus on the mom. It's a win-win situation, she tried to convince herself.

"You know what?" Liz said as they were lying together. "I had a dream yesterday."

"Oh yeah, what kind?"

"I think I saw you... you and other you. It's difficult to say because you clearly weren't typical twins. You were the same yet different at the same time. Two Roseannes watching over me."

"Is that so..." Roseanne's face turned pale. Evidently, her mother's mind was (in some part) conscious yesterday and it registered the presence of Cho.

I wonder how Cho is doing in class right now, Roseanne thought.

***

"I'm sorry, but it's not going to work," Cho said.

"OMG, what did you do?!" Roseanne exclaimed as she was checking the electronic log on her phone, "How on earth did you manage to get TWO write-ups on the same day?!"

"Call it beginner's luck."

"More like 'beginner's curse!'"

"Forgive me! What else am I supposed to say? The first write-up wasn't my fault and the second one was the result of me not knowing anything about guns."

Cho crouched under a window, next to Enzo. She heard a faint noise of raindrops beating against the windows. A drop after a drop: pop, pop, pop. This sound, this type of sad weather has accompanied her since childhood, regardless of how strongly she denied it. It was her second nature, an epitome of her failure. Gloomy rain washing away all hopes and dreams down the drain.

"I won't go over the fact your school is a zoo filled with wild animals. The truth is I don't fit in and I suck at being you. That's all there is to it," Cho said and tucked her face into the folds of a uniform.

Roseanne stood in front of Cho motionlessly. The girl realised she had come up with a stupid idea. She asked Cho for too much. It was time to take a step back and start doing things by the book.

"I apologise... I shouldn't have put you in such a tight spot. I'll come back to school tomorrow, and in the afternoon, I'll tell mom about you," said Roseanne.

Cho remained silent. The sound of rain formed an invisible barrier between the two girls, a barrier which Roseanne didn't dare to cross. The last few days have taken a toll on her, and now she has to figure out how to tell her mom there is another version of her at the apartment without sounding like a complete lunatic.

Although it was early evening, it was pretty dark already because of the clouds outside. Roseanne withdrew to the kitchen to at least try to prepare some food when visiting Liz tomorrow. Cho, on the other hand, remained where she was, alone with her thoughts.

Haru! Haru! Haru!

You worthless piece of shit! You are a nobody and you'll never amount to anything! God has forsaken you, do you hear me?! All you do all day is read, but what you read is trash! Interacting with trash will make you trash! Can you even think, you pillock? You can't speak, you won't even write a straight letter "I" on paper! You had the lowest test score in primary school. Do you hear me, you empty turtle? Get the hell out of my face!

This monologue was the voice of the past that kept haunting Cho. The girl was old enough to know the voice was wrong, but it engraved itself onto her brain tissue so vividly that it became the root of her low self-esteem and confidence.

For years on end, when she was locked up with that voice, she tried to reason with it, ignore it, stand up to it, but it would always find a weak spot and pierce through it like a bullet, its hurtful remarks leaving gaping wounds all over Cho.

You are a nobody and you'll never amount to anything!

Amidst the rainstorm sounds, Enzo crawled towards Cho and rested his head on her lap.

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