To My Dearest Roseanne- Chapter 42
"What is it with you and that bloody kebab rag?!" Roseanne asked while storming inside.
"It's called hanbok and it's the only clean piece of clothing I have at the moment," Cho replied. "I got two sets of these at the K-Royal Culture Festival."
"It turns you into a walking carpet. You look much better in regular clothes."
Cho closed the door behind her.
"You didn't answer my question."
"What?"
"Kiss the handle. What's the meaning?"
"Oh, in the language of Po, it means a situation when you come to visit somebody and there is nobody home."
"There is no such idiomatic expression in the English language."
"Don't care."
Upon first glance, Roseanne realised Cho's apartment looked lifeless and empty. There were no personal belongings, photos, souvenirs, stickers, or anything of that sort. The living room only had a single bed, a laptop, and a trunk filled with books. Adjacent to the living room was a tiny bathroom and a kitchen unit.
"You live a truly monastic life. It's no life at all," Roseanne remarked. "Pack your stuff, we're getting out of here."
Cho came closer to Roseanne and slapped her as hard as possible.
"What the hell have you done? What did you come here for?!" she screamed.
"I came here to save you!"
"Like how?! You thought you would show up on a white horse and return with me? We can't live in the same worlds, don't you understand? I'm gonna die out there, and you're gonna die here if you stay. Or maybe you have a solution to this problem?"
Roseanne massaged her cheek. The jawbone started to burn irritably.
"Well, that's part of the plan I didn't think through."
"Ugh! You always act on temper," Cho cried in despair and kicked the trunk, the lid of which slammed shut releasing a cloud of dust.
At that moment, the two heard a beeping alarm sound. Roseanne grabbed her belt and checked the dosimeter. The counter showed 1,324 mSv. If she remembered correctly what she read on the internet, such dosage wouldn't kill her, but it could lead to observable health issues sooner rather than later.
Roseanne switched off the alarm.
"I'm sorry I came, but I needed to see you," she said.
Cho observed the raindrops outside the window.
"And now you see me... I swear to God, if I could come with you, I would have done so already."
"You shouldn't live like this, all alone."
"Don't tell me how to live."
After a brief pause, Roseanne decided to ask directly:
"Your parents are dead, aren't they?"
***
The moment Roseanne said this, it seemed as if Earth stopped moving. Cho didn't move opposite the window, but her stature became visibly hunched, as if her shoulders couldn't bear the weight of these words.
"You figured it out, huh?"
"I suspected it for some time, but what I saw of your past only confirmed my suspicions."
The raindrops nearly stopped and Cho slightly lowered her head.
"It's always difficult to discuss it..." she said in a broken tone. "How does one even say this? My mom and dad died in a plane crash. I was only five... We were already settled in Korea. Robert, well, my dad Robert, had a job here, but they were coming back to the land of Po for Christmas. At least that's what I was told. Allegedly, they considered taking me with them but chose not to, I was too small..."
"Go on," Roseanne encouraged her.
"They left me with a Korean caretaker who didn't know what to do after the accident. The nanny took me to the Embassy of the Land of Po, but they wouldn't believe I was a Po national. She couldn't find my documents and had no contact with extended family. They threw her out, threatening to call the police..."
Cho's voice paused suddenly. Her vocal cords tensed. She imagined an invisible hand choking the last breath out of her.
"Please." Roseanne held her by the shoulders and forcefully turned away from the window. "Tell me what happened later."
"Later?" Cho's eyes glazed over. "That woman did the only logical thing that came to her mind... She gave a white child to the white people she knew."
"So, you ended up with criminals or something?"
"Worse!" Cho raised her voice. "I ended up with Christian missionaries!"
"Was that a bad thing?"
"You can't even imagine, They ran a kindergarten and I was the only white child under their care. Other children would swarm around me, poking their fingers at me and screaming 'Haru! Haru!' It means 'Hello,' They were saying hello as if I was an alien from outer space. In the morning, we had to get up at 5 am and pray. Of course, we also had to pray before each meal, which was always cold. Then, we had classes, lots and lots of classes where Sister Grace taught us how benevolent God is, and suddenly she would take out a large, wooden stick in the middle of a lecture and beat us with it. Beat till the blood came pouring. Once, she caught me reading non-Christian books at night. It was the day I found Madame Yoshida's bookstore and smuggled some books to the church. Sister Grace went berserk. She confiscated the books, screaming how great a sin I committed reading these packs of lies. In the end, she said I'm good for nothing, and her mouth was gaping and salivating so much I was convinced she also threw a curse on me."
"A curse to be alone for the rest of your life?" Roseanne meant it as a joke, but Cho took it seriously and nodded her head.
"After that incident, I promised myself to be the best I could ever be and get away from that hellhole. I learned like crazy until I got on a metropolitan scholarship programme for journalism and mass communication, the type of which supports high school students. This apartment was assigned to me, so I was finally able to get out of the church."
Cho walked a few steps around the room and sat on the trunk.
"Now, you know about the miserable life of Rose Anne Cho. You come here and say I have no life. Having books as companions is better than being an orphan nobody wants! How dare you judge me Roseanne Juzynski. Look at yourself. You have loving parents, devoted friends, a loveable dog. And yet, it's not enough for you because you want it better! You want to be better! The best of the best. But if you want it this way, you need to change your perspective. You need to stop chasing perfection. You need to take action. For a month I lived your life, supporting your dream, and it was the best damn month of my entire existence! That's what I wrote in an essay contest I gave Mr Orville. I wrote about how I spent a day with you and Emily. I wrote about how happy I was. I wrote about being you... with a touch of myself."
Having heard the whole thing, Roseanne quietly sat on a trunk beside Cho. The lamp posts outside the building were the only source of light illuminating their faces in the dark living room.
"You can't imagine how it pains me to hear what happened to you. I'm sorry if I have offended you. It wasn't what I meant. You are right. There was a time I wanted to be a perfect student and a perfect daughter. So much so that I didn't notice things I should be grateful for, until mom got sick. I need to change, and I need to take action. I'm taking action right now. I came for you because I can't live without you."
Cho remained silent. Her eyes were glassy, but she didn't cry.
"I apologise it all came down to this." Roseanne continued on. "I shouldn't have asked you for all the help you gave me and I shouldn't have chickened out and introduced you to Mom as soon as she woke up... Damn it, I would have done things differently if I could. Your kindness, your wisdom, your companionship kept me afloat when I needed it the most. I know you can't live my life for me, but I want you to live your life alongside mine. Like a true sister."
"I hold no grudges against you, Roseanne," Cho finally spoke. "I gladly helped you and I enjoyed going to school for you. Being with you, with Enzo, with Emily and other classmates, waiting to meet your parents, all that gave me a little taste of home I didn't have. But it was only a taste. I need to accept what I have over here. Being at home with you is not possible."
Suddenly, Roseanne drew Cho to her and hugged her tightly.
"I'm not ready to give up yet!" Roseanne's valiant tone electrified the air around the room. "Let's bring you where you belong!"
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